Monday, April 4, 2011

Now I know why the Cubs never win the World Series (The Art of the Heckle)

Yours truly had the privilege of sitting fifth row behind the Pirates' dugout on Saturday at (mildly) windswept Wrigley Field. It is a tiny place, even tinier than Fenway. Yes, it IS as awesome as you think it is. I wonder if the buildings across Waveland (pronounced Wavelind, not land) Avenue have to pay anything to the Cubs for the bleachers they have on top of them.

That's Waveland there in the right picture - a lot wider than you think it would be. Just over my head there, you can locate some bleachers on the building.

From the other picture, you can see how close I was to the field. In the empty seat right next to my head in the front row, an old lady was sitting keeping score when the game started. She is apparently a regular, and she kept the crowd entertained throughout.

But where was the heckling? I mean, we are RIGHT there. You could spit on the players if you needed to. I heard NOTHING. Now true, it was the Pirates, not the Cards, but c'mon! Don't these fans want to win? Don't they know that your duty, as a fan, is to heckle the other team? To get inside their players' heads? To make them lose concentration?

I spent the majority of the game talking with my fellow game goers about this and that. Honestly, heckling the Pirates is like shooting fish in a barrel. I refrained from anything, as I figured maybe heckling was against the law or something. Then, the bottom of the 8th began, and the Pirates brought in a pitcher named "Meek." I just could not pass this up. Meek? Are you kidding? For a PITCHER? These screams for heckling. It's a heckler's dream come true!

What does Meek do? He walks the first guy he faces. "Hey Meek, don't be AFRAID to throw strikes!" "You look kind of SCARED out there, MEEK!" Two batters into this performance, I realize Meek has no chance. No one warming up yet. This is going to be too fun. Then Overbay at first makes an error, and I am really getting on Meek. "You think anyone wants to catch a ball for you, Meek?" After an out is finally recorded: "Hey Meek, maybe you WILL inherit the earth after all!"

Now Meek's got first and second for Soriano. "Don't throw him a fastball, Meek! He lives for first pitch fastballs! Better throw him that curveball!" Meek throws a curveball. Soriano swings and misses. "Come right back with that, Meek!" Soriano takes this time. Meek shows some balls and throws a fastball. Blows it by him. Throws another fastball, Soriano is late. "Well, Meek, he was late on your fastball. Usually means you throw him another until he proves he can get around on you. But this is Soriano. What do you do?!" No bull shit, Meek steps off the rubber. I am in a frenzy. Meek is mine! Next pitch is some kind of slow bull shit I don;t know what and Soriano clobbers into right. Goodbye, Meek. Welcome Resop. Resop?!?!? That's Poser spelled backwards! The Pirates - the gift that keeps on giving. Byt the time I am doen with the Pirates, they have gone from a 3-0 lead to a 5-3 deficit. The Cubs should hire me.

1 comment:

  1. I should have mentioned that the seats were $100. I mean, I could afford these seats for a good portion of the season. I suppose I should complain, but then maybe the Yankees wouldn;t win.


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